First Do No Harm

The Amazing Cucumber

Really, itís not all that amazing.

Here is the piece that landed in my inbox (the original text is in dark blue, my responses are capitalized in black):

I did not know all of this, did you?.......................worth a read! NO, ITíS NOT.

1. Cucumbers contain most of the vitamins you need every day, just one cucumber contains Vitamin B1, Vitamin B2, Vitamin B3, Vitamin B5, Vitamin B6, Folic Acid, Vitamin C, Calcium, Iron, Magnesium, Phosphorus, Potassium and Zinc. BUT IN SUCH POOR AMOUNTS YOU'D HAVE TO EAT A BUSHEL TO GET YOUR DAILY REQUIREMENT

2. Feeling tired in the afternoon, put down the caffeinated soda and pick up a cucumber. Cucumbers are a good source of B Vitamins and Carbohydrates that can provide that quick pick-me-up that can last for hours.

NOPE....ONLY 5.8 GRAMS CARBS, AND YOU'D HAVE TO EAT 20 CUCUMBERS TO GET EVEN CLOSE THE RIDICULOUSLY LOW RDA FOR B VITAMINS.

3. Tired of your bathroom mirror fogging up after a shower? Try rubbing a cucumber slice along the mirror, it will eliminate the fog and provide a soothing, spa-like fragrance.

I TRIED THIS ON HALF THE MIRROW. AFTER A SHOWER ONLY THE PART WITH THE CUCUMBER FOGGED UP.

4. Are grubs and slugs ruining your planting beds? Place a few slices in a small pie tin and your garden will be free of pests all season long. The chemicals in the cucumber react with the aluminum to give off a scent undetectable to humans but drive garden pests crazy and make them flee the area.

NO ONE IN THE SCIENTIFIC COMMUNITY GAVE THIS ANY CREEDENCE.

5. Looking for a fast and easy way to remove cellulite before going out or to the pool? Try rubbing a slice or two of cucumbers along your problem area for a few minutes, the phytochemicals in the cucumber cause the collagen in your skin to tighten, firming up the outer layer and reducing the visibility of cellulite. Works great on wrinkles too!!!

IF YOU VISIT A SPA, THEY WILL PUT CUCUMBERS OVER YOUR EYES TO GET RID OF THE DARK BAGS. DON'T DO A THING FOR WRINKLES, AND IF YOU WANT TO REMOVE CELULITE, GET A REBOUNDER AND EXERCISE.

6.. Want to avoid a hangover or terrible headache? Eat a few cucumber slices before going to bed and wake up refreshed and headache free. Cucumbers contain enough sugar, B vitamins and electrolytes to replenish essential nutrients the body lost, keeping everything in equilibrium, avoiding both a hangover and headache!!

AGAIN....NOT ENOUGH B VITAMINS TO DO A THING, NOT ENOUGH SUGAR, AND THE ELECTROLYTES ARE TOO LOW (ESPECIALLY IF GROWN CONVENTIONALLY).

7. Looking to fight off that afternoon or evening snacking binge? Cucumbers have been used for centuries and often used by European trappers, traders and explores for quick meals to thwart off starvation.
YEAH, EUROPEAN TRAPPERS ALL CARRIED FOURTY POUNDS OF CUCUMBERS IN THEIR BACK PACKS. THIS IS HOGWASH. I RESEARCHED THE HISTORY OF THE CUCUMBER, JUST FOR LAUGHS, AND WHEN IT WAS FIRST DISCOVERED, IT WAS FED TO PIGS. IT TOOK YEARS FOR HUMANS TO ACTUALLY TRY IT.

EUROPEAN EXPLORERS MOST LIKELY CARRIED MEAT THAT WAS DRIED AND SALTED.

8. Have an important meeting or job interview and you realize that you don't have enough time to polish your shoes? Rub a freshly cut cucumber over the shoe, its chemicals will provide a quick and durable shine that not only looks great but also repels water.

NOT EVEN GOING TO TRY THIS.

9. Out of WD 40 and need to fix a squeaky hinge? Take a cucumber slice and rub it along the problematic hinge, and voila, the squeak is gone!

CUCUMBERS HAVE A WATER BASE. WD 40 IS OIL BASED. WHICH WOULD YOU PREFER?

10. Stressed out and don't have time for massage, facial or visit to the spa? Cut up an entire cucumber and place it in a boiling pot of water, the chemicals and nutrients from the cucumber with react with the boiling water and be released in the steam, creating a soothing, relaxing aroma that has been shown the reduce stress in new mothers and college students during final exams.

IíVE YET TO FIND ONE MOTHER OR COLLEGE STUDENT THAT HAS USED THIS, AND NO ONE IN AROMATHERAPY HAS EVER HEARD OF THIS.

11. Just finish a business lunch and realize you don't have gum or mints? Take a slice of cucumber and press it to the roof of your mouth with your tongue for 30 seconds to eliminate bad breath, the phytochemcials will kill the bacteria in your mouth responsible for causing bad breath.

HOGWASH. CHEW SOME PEELU GUM.

12. Looking for a 'green' way to clean your faucets, sinks or stainless steel? Take a slice of cucumber and rub it on the surface you want to clean, not only will it remove years of tarnish and bring back the shine, but is won't leave streaks and won't harm you fingers or fingernails while you clean.

OK, IíM GOING TO LEAVE THIS ONE UP TO MY READERS. YOU TELL ME IF THIS WORKS. IíM STILL TRYING TO GET THE COCA COLA OUT OF EVERYTHING I TRIED THAT ONE ON WHEN THE FAMOUS COKE VIRAL MAIL HIT MY INBOX.

13. Using a pen and made a mistake? Take the outside of the cucumber and slowly use it to erase the pen writing, also works great on crayons and markers that the kids have used to decorate the walls!!

YEAH, RIGHT. THIS WAS EASY TO TEST. DOES NOT REMOVE INK, I HAVE NEITHER CRAYONS NOR KIDS, SO I CANíT TEST THAT. HOWEVER, IíM PRETTY SURE THAT IT WONíT REMOVE WAX CRAYONS FROM A WALL.

Pass this along to everybody you know who is looking for better and safer ways to solve life's everyday problems.

Editorís Note: a cucumber is not about to solve your everyday problems. If the person who fills my inbox with this crapola were sitting next to me, Iíd know exactly what Iíd want to do with a cucumber. However, if you really want to make someoneís day and give them the gift of laughter, how about getting someone on your Christmas list a copy of Why Cucumbers Are Better Than Men?


Share

Click here to email this page to a friend.

Articles | Newsletter | Who We Are | Links | Search Site 
Help Us To Help Others
| Online Friends | Prayer List | Find A Practitioner
Help

Contact Us  

© Copyright 2010 Minnesota Wellness Publications, Inc.

For non commercial use: You may copy, print, reprint, and/or transfer this entire article, if and only if it is unmodified and in its complete state with this copyright notice attached and all the links work properly. All others must contact us in writing.

David's PhotoArt - Fine Art Supporting The International Wellness Directory